Yu-Chi's recent post about her long-term goals and my comment on that post got me to thinking about writing with characters. I have always considered myself more of a creative writer than a scientific writer. Luckily, the skill of creative writing has transferred well to my scientific writing. But when I actually got to thinking about how I write my scientific papers, I realized that I approach them very similarly to how I approach writing fiction.
When I write fiction, I really try to put myself in the shoes of the characters I am trying to portray. What does this character feel? What are her hopes and dreams? How would she react in this situation? I should feel so much that I am that character that if she is hurt and crying, I should be crying as I write it. This is what makes writing such a fun journey, but it can also be exhausting. This can transfer to the dissertation. While there aren't really any characters to portray in my dissertation, there is the most important character of all, the person writing the story. It doesn't necessarily have to be me. Because who am I? I'm a shy, awkward nobody with insecurities and imperfections who has no business being a PI on grants and writing a dissertation. But who am I when I write my dissertation? If I stick with myself, my dissertation is never going to get done. But if I am a different character writing this dissertation, a very confident woman who is smart and sassy and has her life together, who can face any challenge with her head held high, then the result can be pretty amazing.
This is how I approach a lot of situations, not just writing. Teaching, for example. Who would have ever thought that this shy girl from Indiana who was so dreadfully frightened of talking to strangers could ever get up in front of a classroom full of students and teach them about evolution? She couldn't. Of course she couldn't. But a different character could, someone who is funny, outgoing, entertaining, and really knows her shit. That's the person who has been teaching the past six years, not me.
Fear should never cripple you from doing something that you want to do or something that simply needs to get done. If you are afraid, then you are simply playing the wrong character. Choose someone else.
Hi, Shelby:
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your sharing of "I am nobody until I am somebody!!" This is a smart way to make writing more fun-put yourself into a fun and knowledge character!! I did similar practices when I started my life in America, put yourself in that character, practice, and then we might become the character.Now I want to learn to be a confident storyteller who tells engaging stories for the girls in my dissertation. Thank you for sharing again!!
I really love this post too! It reminds me a lot of the "fake it till you make it/ fake it until you become it" strategy. My first semester in grad school, I remember feeling a lot of the same insecurities that can reemerge at the dissertation stage: that I didn't belong, that I didn't know enough, etc. I talked to one of my professors about this and he told me: "Did it ever occur to you that we're all just faking it?" This advice really helped me get a perspective on the performative nature of academics-- it's a role that you have to learn, just like anything else.
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